May 17th, 2014
Grey clouds blanketed the sky that morning, ensuring that the saturated ground from the previous weeks worth of rain would steal your boots from their dry inhabitants. Golf ball sized pockets freckled the muddy landscape, a reminder of that mornings hail storm. And there was a chill in the air that kept even the deer and birds at bay. It was the day of our wedding. Far from the bucolic setting I had imagined for our outdoor affair on the farm where I grew up. I spent the morning silently sulking to myself as I tried to salvage any remaining vision I had for our big day. It seemed a pointless endeavor. I had all but given up hope when you walked in that soaking wet tent and without saying a word, wrapped me in your arms. In that instant, any ill will I had towards the weather that had been bestowed us disappeared. Any reservations vanished. None of it mattered. I would have married you in the middle of a blizzard in coveralls if it meant I got to marry you.
When the hour finally came, we stood, umbrellas in hand, ready to admit defeat and hand over our fate to the storm clouds. Then, as if by device, the skies parted and the sun shone. Even if just long enough for us to say our vows.
You graciously indulged my notion of writing our own. And in a moment of brilliance, you asked our dear friend to orchestrate them for us. It could not have been more sincere and fitting. All these years later, I can still remember fragments of what we promised to one another. The look you gave me as I walked down the aisle. The smile that adorned your face. But the thing I remember most clearly is something our officiant asked me ahead of time and then read for our guests the day of.
I said something about loving the way you made me see myself. Which is true, but what I should have said was this. The thing I love the most about you is the way you love me. At the time, it's what I had wanted to say. In fact I spent weeks trying to find the right words to explain what I meant by that without sounding pretentious and entitled. But I never could. So four years later, here I am trying again.
From the moment I met you I have never doubted how you felt about me. This may seem insignificant to most, but having come from relationships where I constantly wondered if I was enough or where I stood with them, this was everything. To know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the person you chose to spend your life with, has loved you unequivocally since the first night you met? Despite ugly words and less than proud moments? Well that just doesn't come along every day. From the very beginning, I have always felt like the greatest priority in your life. You juggle more in one day than most can comprehend in a month, and still you somehow manage to make me believe it all comes secondary to me, to us. But it's not just you and I anymore, is it? There are now two little curly-haired, wide-eyed budding boys that are central to our landscape. And if I thought I loved you prior to them, it pales in comparison to the tenderness I feel now. What no one tells you when you choose a husband is that you're also choosing the man that will help guide and shape your future children. The man who will teach them how to be driven, strong and brave while also being appreciative, vulnerable and compassionate. Thank you for being the greatest role model to our sons, leading by example and showing them every day how to love someone so completely.
Happy 4th Anniversary, handsome.
All My Love,